Running on E (written by The Man behind The Woman)

I woke up this morning with sleep on my mind. Me and my baby was running late for church; we went to the 2 grocery stores afterwards and got caught in the longest self checkout line ever, well it was one lady w/ like 57 items, (just freaking ridiculous). Then we came home and I started on my homework, mad because the assignment I got do is on my flashdrive, which broke 4 months ago (ain't that some ......). So now that I'm lost I get hungry, I start the grill, and cut the grass at the same time (multitasking). While I put the steaks on the grill I cut the back yard. Now it's time to finish my homework and I'm still lost. I am close to being on E..... I have only a quarter of a tank left and I know work is going to drain me till I have nothing left.

Through With the Same

I try and get resistance
I go and am not allowed to enter
I speak but silence is heard
I need a change yet you feel it's absurd
Why do things have to be the way they've always been
Why can't we all be transparent and let people view the truth within
Why let foolishness surround you and make your light that's so bright dim
Why follow the madness when we can lead them
These thoughts come to my head
When I look around this world
Things that are glorified are the things that don't enhance our brothers or sisters
It tears them down
Make them wear a garment of shame
because if they are willing to do the RIGHT thing
They are considered lame
Naw, naw there isn't much fame to being on the team of the real deal
Now a days it is about giving people something they can feel
When deep inside they know they still
Feel empty and not restored.
But instead of yearning for something that will make the situation better
they reach for more.
More madness, confusion, delusion, lust, distrust.
Something that will muddy what they see in the mirror.
Which in reality, is the me, you, the us.
But I would like a change.
Something different and something real.
Forget how it feels if it does not heal.
I want a change.

We Magnify Your Name / I Love You Lord - Lecresia Campbell & By Faith Si...

My 12 of May

Today was awesome. I wanted to share how good it was, well the lunch was not all of that. Who puts a corn dog in a sack lunch...wow. Then those jokers charged me $2.75 for that disgrace of a snack. The people surrounding me weren't always the best. God knows my attitude could have been better, but this was one of my best days out of a number of crazy ones. I woke up and I looked at the clocked and realized time tricked me once again. I thought I set the time on my alarm clock 10 minutes ahead of time, but bam! When I woke up my alarm clock said 6:30 but in actuality it was 6:40. Then I had to bum some duckets from the Mr. He was moving slow, so the situation got tense and I threw my voice. Thank God he gave me the money still. I flew out the door and the only thing on my mind was, Lord why can't I get to work during the last two weeks of school on time. I know why, because I lack the zeal to enter the hallways when I have only enjoyed 3 out of my 7 hours. WHYYYYYYYYYY!

Seriously, let's get to the GRAND part. After Field Day, the students boarded buses, cars, planes, and trains, (lol). The silence that danced in the hallway was so magical. It was to the point where if I wanted to internally scream because of my freedom, the earth would have heard me. We, my students and I, made it through a school day and I did not leave with a headache (LOL).

On top of that I enjoy joshing with the crew. No matter how different we are their is a similarity that meshes us together...don't know what it is yet...but I will let you know one day.

The cake topper was arriving at my home and all was well as the way we left it. I worked on my blog. Increasing the aesthetic qualities of it. Now I am about to hang out with the other half. Above all this day was one of my better because I am blessed to have it, and I appreciated the quality of what the day offered, not the quantity.

Why Is It Okay To Be Me

It is truly amazing to reach that level in your mind

Where you embrace the one and only me, myself, and I.

It takes some a second, minute, an hour, a year

To realize the one to truly love is so close and near.

We constantly reach outward to fill the inner self

while all along within,

We do not need anyone else.

No one else to water us

Like a flower so that we can grow

No one else to walk out with no goodbyes

What we truly need to recognize is the person we see through our eyes

Regardless of the flaws

because we know we lack imperfection

Embracing our inner self and making that connection.

Why is it truly okay to be me?

Because that is who I was destined to be.

Whether with a loud mouth, rap or song to sing, story to write,

happiness or madness to bring.

Timid attitude with nothing to say.

Loving myself each and every day.

Whether I speak up when I am wronged.

Or ignore the drama and move along.
It is okay to be me.

Whether I am frugal, or I spend what I do not have

Or my disposition is mean, or at everything funny I laugh,

It is okay to be me.

Whether I am scared of a fly or big tarantula,

or I am selfish or giving, or if I am lazy and not really living.

It is okay to be me.

What I never want to do

Is attempt, try, or become you.

I want to walk, talk, dance around like me, me, me.

Because I do not see a reflection of you in the mirror.

I see a reflection of J-a-z-z!

I Missed You

Sometimes things don't work out the way we want them too.

The pain begins to excede the happiness

and the sunshine days are replaced with misery and gloom.

Early in the morning

or late in the midnight

I reminisced or reflected

and silence that was once so loud

resonated your voice.

Just like a painting

that interprets from a great artist or even someone mediocre,

I begin to envision what we were.

Your smile captivated every fiber of my being,

and your hands embraced my spirit.

It was to the point where all I could do was laugh and smile,

and laugh and smile.

You made me feel like beauty.

You listened to my dreams and encouraged them.

We thought we were a reality,

but poof it was all a dream.

A muggy scene where we were supposed to be.

So why ask me, "Do you I ever think about 'what we could have been?"

They Just Won’t Fall

See I woke up this morning,
just like any morning of the work week.
It was so silent in my house.
I think I heard the train,
my dog breathing loudly next to my bed,
and the silent exhale and inhale of my husband.
As my aching legs threw themselves out of the bed,
onto the floor they moved into motion towards the facilities.
Before I knew it I was on the road,
dialing my job’s number saying,
as I have said so many times.
“I am going to be 15 minutes late.”
I contemplate going in the opposite direction,
But due to unconscious thinking and mortgage payments,
I thought better.
Being late is not something that I like to be.
But there is a pain that circulates, better yet resonates, inside of me.
I turn the knob to the radio to silence.
Then I wait.
But they just won’t fall.
I am in the middle of a rock and hard place.
I need a release.
Lord help me please.
But they just won’t fall.
Through all of the madness that I am feeling,
I still am cognizant of the traffic flowing with me.
Looking out for cops because every now and then my speed increases.
Oh yeah there they go.
Over there in the cut like always.
Thank God I was not speeding.
I make myself think of the worst thoughts because right now, in this car seat, before I turn into the driveway of my school,
I need a break through.
I need God to make it alright.
I need the youth to receive me without resistance and ultimately a fight.
I need my mind to flow with peace and my lessons to go right.
I need to be within the center of serenity and not on a constant mental flight.
“Goodmorning.” The teacher says I enter the building.
I hold my head up and swallow and respond.
I am still bent out of shape, but they just won’t fall.
As I enter my room and greet my students, I thank him.
They won’t fall, because he is carrying me.

Have you ever felt like things were on the up and up in your life? I am so excited about what took place over the course of the year of 2009, that 2010 can only be better. Two events that took place that makes me appreciate God more and more daily is my marriage to the love of my life and our move into our first new home. I am glad and full of joy that only the man above can supply. My thoughts are not to boast or to increase self, but to thank HIM using words that could never compare to his blessings. There were times in the past when I felt like "hey, I am floating in a bubble." Wishing that something would come along and pop me so that I can truly feel this experience called life. Now I know what it means to live. You have to recognize HIM daily. I can go to HIM anytime, any day. Lord I want to give you a shout out and I hope that someone is blessed by these words. God I truly appreciate you not placing on me more than I can bear. I thank you for all of the lessons that I have learned, am learning, and will learn. I appreciate your LOVE for me. I am glad that you are in my life.

In closing, I want to post a quote that I found online.

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”

This is so true, and God I pray that I can think more on this level daily.